Dogs to the Vet

Dogs are for rich people. All the shots, exam, flea and heartworm protection, bloodwork, came to $549.00. Then Robin needed a specialist Ophthalmologist to check her eyes. They seemed to have little divots in the corneas. That visit on Saturday was only $115.00. Good news, what she has is congenital, specific to her breed. (Sheltie Corneal Dystrophy), and asymptomatic.

I will be getting dogs again. Two at a time. My male is 12 years old and my female is 10. Not sure how much longer I will have them, but life will seem a whole lot emptier once they are gone. I spend part of every weekend grooming and vacuuming. But they are worth it.

Treachery and Betrayal

How it hurts to be betrayed by a friend. Someone whom you have helped. Someone who knows about most of your life pain. An Admin with a great deal of power in my former department has gone out of her way to ensure that I not get back to that department. I have been trying to do this for the past six months and now one other admin has left and another is on her way out. They need me, the monitors and others want me back and yet this one, the gatekeeper, has very craftily gone about working behind the scenes to keep that from happening. It was by accident that I happened to see that "my" job was posted on the website. I bid on it, and it may have worked, I might have it in the bag, but have not received the call at this point. Normally in the union, the first one with the most seniority to bid wins the position, but in some cases there are exceptions. In this case, I was bumped from that position and there is a possibility to be recalled. I sent an email to her telling her that I can be recalled, and to not post it. Not only did she ignore my email, but hurried the posting, didnt tell me, switched hiring managers, told the hiring manager that he had no say in the matter, re-iterating the normal rule and not mentioning me at all. Meanwhile, she tells the other union admins who are my friends that "this could take months" to get this position through. She knew all along that it was in process, telling them differently, knowing that is what they would tell me to put me off. How deceitful, how treacherous. I will post her picture here as soon as I transfer it from my work computer. She smiles and talks through her teeth, prouncing my name, starting with an N instead of with an M. It's amazingly CREEPY. Thing is, I KNEW not to trust this one, but never dreamed she would go this far out of her way to hurt me. She is 68 years old, and she is about to retire? So then WHY? Envy? Power? Revenge for some unknown hurt? This is my job! Without this transfer, I could be without work as soon as August. She is acting stupid, but emails have been flying and so many know the truth, as it is apparent. She is just not that stupid. So, it appears as if I am going back to that department. I should hear today. If so, it will be weird working with her. She is going to know I am not buying her stupid act. She will know that I know what she did.

Happy 27th Birthday to my first daughter!!

I had been looking forward to last night all week long. Shopped, cleaned and straighted. My daughter requested her favorite foods, crab cakes and steak and corn on the cob. I gave her a pearl bracelet that I made and an Ipod adapter for her XM radio. It was a memorable evening. It was good to see G, my son in law and R and her boyfriend J were there too. I think they will all remember the meal for a while. G helped me cook the steaks and corn and garlic bread on the grill while I made the crab cakes and salad. I wouldnt have been able to do it without him. It was the kind of food that you can only prepare so much ahead of time if you want everything hot and served at the same time. Shame I didnt measure anything. I really want to remember that crab cake recipe that I just made up. The whole mix should be fairly loose and just barely hold together as you place the cakes in the pan to saute. Here's what I can remember. All measurements are approximate:

~One pound can Phillips Crab meat
~one cup fresh quality breadcrumbs made with a yellow egg bread in food processor.
~half cup parmesian and garlic cheez-it crackers, crushed in aforementioned processor.
~half cup cream (or half and half)
~third cup mayo
~tsp curry powder (this was the secret)
~tsp salt and pepper and old bay seasoning
~one egg
~lemon juice
~parsley

The Lord put us in flocks, am I right?

Tired of being the black sheep though. I can not discuss what I think, believe and feel with the people closest to me without serious breach in relationship. I can't talk with my husband. The things I hold dearest to my heart cannot be spoken. Imagine how that might be for you. No husband, No mom, no dad, no sister, not even my best friend. Nothing is the same as it was. I am not holding hateful 1930s Germany type opinions. The ever present threat of being alone and isolated is not enough to change my world views. I'm not the first and I wont be the last in this place, but I often think it must be nice to be able to talk about important things with someone you love whether you agree or not, without the threat of complete and utter destruction of the relationship.

Thanks

To those who hold me accountable, who lift me up, pray with me, listen to me, and inspire me to grow Godward, be more like Jesus, call me on my temptations, motivations, weaknesses. To those who have no fear of being honest, cry with me, laugh with me, pray with me, sometimes all at the same time. You know who you are.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you, and I love God for sending you.

Can People Change?

Certainly not on their own power. I believe people can and often do change for the worst, but this is not the intent of this often discussed question. Can they change for the better? I knew a man once connected to our family who said that "People dont change, they intensify." I can see you nodding at that from here. People pay a lot of money and take a great deal of time to have my husband help them change. His answer after a long career in psychiatry is, "perhaps, but very slowly"

My husband, very early in the relationship, quit a heavy smoking habit - cigarettes and cigars - overnight, and it was a permanent change. That was 15 years ago. The only way positive change is effected is in a love relationship. It wasnt love at the time, it was infatuation, the hope of a future love. It was going to help insure that this relationship had lasting power to meet his needs, so he quit smoking. At that time, he was also generous. He considered others first and was able to be gregarious. This is no longer true of his character. I can remember those times fondly now without incurring pain and grief at the loss of this personality and this relationship.

How about real change in the heart? Bad health habits are just the flies around the garbage pail. Can deep change occur in the presence of human love? Real character change, integrity. That's a deep operation. I believe it can only happen at the regeneration of the spirit beginning at the point of salvation. Ideally, God uses the context of human relationships to change us. Humility is a necessary ingredient.